Writing for The Onion

Writing for The Onion

I know the title was vague but this is my Onion style parody article. Hope you enjoy!

NOTE: I have not and do not write for the Onion, I just love this style of writing. 



MONTGOMERY, AL – Grandparents Thomas and Linda Whitemoore have had to rethink telling their grandkids stories about “walking both ways uphill in snow” to go to school. A recent revelation has come to light that children in China take 2,600 foot ladders attahced to cliffs and rocky moutain sides to come to and from school. Grandfather Thomas stated “I wanted them to see how good they had life, but now I see how spoiled I was, I feel like I have been selfish and owe everyone an apology.” He says he has been telling anyone younger than him for the last 50 years how he endured the daily journey to school before buses were commonplace. His grandkids took it in stride and in broken English explained, “He is too old to understand how the world works, he has lived as a white privileged male in America, and he smells like moth balls.” Thomas says he will try to share a new message with his grandchildren, like how colored people should sit in the back of the bus and that women need to stay in the kitchen.

One Comment

  • By Gavin on June 20, 2016


    Very good mate. Believed every bit of it. Look forward to another soon hopefully.

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